I know that Im not a good person. I know that I have made mistakes. I understand the things I have done wrong. And I fully regret them. I dont just regret that the mistakes were found out, I regret ever making them. I always have. I am sorry for the things I have done.
That being said; Im tired of saying Im sorry. Im tired of explaining, and reexplaining. Im tired of not sleeping at night. And Im tired of hurting. Im tired of not knowing my future. And Im tired of missing him. I am so tired, of being absolutely worn out and tired of life.
I swear on everything that if I could id change the past. But everyone knows that isnt true. I swear on everything that I want him more than anything. I swear on everything, that id do anything to get it.
I love him. And thats not ever going to change.
I love how writing has made me feel. I love being able to post these things and get it off of my chest. It means a lot to have people read and to know how I feel. Maybe someone will be able to help themselves from my past mistakes. Maybe someone will be able to avoid this pain. Maybe someone somewhere will miss out on lonely nights, and crying. Maybe someone somewhere who has read this, wont have to write something like this. The only downfall, is that no matter how many times I say Im sorry. No matter how many people I really convince and show how much I love him to. No matter how much i feel it. And no matter how many people see it...
There is only one person who matters. And I know, that he wont be reading any of this.
