Today I revceived my package from Giving Diapers Giving Hope. If you didn't know GDGH is a diaper *lending* company for low income or needy families who otherwise might not be able to afford a cloth diaper stash or may have trouble affording disposable diapers on a day to day basis.
The process didn't take long. My application was approved the same day and the diapers were sent out at the end of the week. All in all it took about two weeks total from the date of application until the day the diapers arrived.
There isn't much information on GDGH out there so I thought I'd write this review!
Upon opening the package up I got WAY more than I expected. Its important to remember that all diapers given out by GDGH are donated to them by moms and dads who want to help out others. They are previously loved diapers and so are not in brand new condition, but they are useable and overall it's pretty awesome!
What I got-
2 Light Pink BumGenius One Size Pocket Diapers- These are Velcro and each came with a microfiber insert tucked inside. There is some moderate staining on the inside of these but I'm hopeful with a good wash and sunning they will look good as new.
1 Light Pink BumGenius One Size AIO- I'm sure there is some fancy name BumGenius gives this diaper. In my book it's an AIO. There is no pocket for an insert and it has a sewn in insert. This diaper looks like it's never even been used!
1 Darker Pink Rump-A-Rooz Pocket Diaper- This is also a one size diaper (I think). It came with some sort of blended insert tucked inside the pocket. It is a double gusset diaper and it's been well loved for sure. The inner is quite discolored and the Velcro isn't super sticky, but it seems to hold good enough. I'm hoping that with a good soak-wash and sunning this diaper will come cleaner than it is now.
2 Dark Pink Eco Bumz Diapers- These I'm somewhat confused about. There is a pocket with insert but there is also what seems like a sewn in insert. They aren't one size in that they don't have snap downs but they seem to be more a one size type diaper. I've got some research to do on these for sure. They're both in pretty good condition. Milk staining, but as with the others I expect they will come clean.
2- One size pocket diapers of unknown brand- There is a pink diaper and a multi colored diaper both have microfiber inserts. Neither have a specific brand though I expect that the pink is some sort of "china diaper" as the only thing on it is a tag that says "Made with love in china". Both of these are in fair condition.
4 fitted diapers- One of these is a Kissas size one and other than pilling, which is the nature of the fabric, is in good condition. One of these is a Lollipop Baby brand fitted. It is super soft inside! I'm assuming this to be a newborn diaper as it has the snap down for umbilical cord. It's an adorable flower pattern. The two other fitteds are also super nice. One is SUPER thick and I expect will be a good overnight diaper. The other doesnt have snaps or Velcro so I *think* I'll have to use a snappi with it. I'm not sure though.
4 prefolds- Two of the prefolds are white, so they are bleached two are tan so are unbleached. I'm not sure of brand. All four look brand new. The white are a green edge, but seem small (possibly a newborn or small size) the tan are slightly bigger (one is a purple edge the other isn't outlined with a colored thread).
1 Size 1 Snappi. Brand new in the package.
2 Size Small (8-15lbs) Bummis Super Whisper Wraps- These are white. And appear to be brand new to me.
1 Size NB (7-10lbs) Bummis Super Whisper Wrap- As with the smalls this one is white and appears to be brand new.
5 NB Bummis Whisper Pants- These are a cover but rather than a snap they are pull up and down. I'm not sure how well these will work they dont appear to be very thick but I'm willing to give anything a try.
5 FuzziBunz Cloth wipes- These are super soft!
1 set of "Baby Legs"- These are like leg warmers but for babies. They are blue with birds and flowers on them. Not really cloth diaper related but they're cute!
So all in all- I got a ton of stuff! I'm super excited to wash everything up and get it all together for my little one. =)
I'm going to post an update with some photos after I get everything washed up!
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
Friday, January 4, 2013
Mommy Wars
So, here's my little rant for the night; Mommy Wars.
Have you heard of them? Not too long ago, I had no idea what a Mommy war was. But I now fully understand. If you don't know, I'll explain.
A Mommy War, is the continual arguing, bickering, and fighting that goes on on a regular basis between mommies on all websites and in person. These arguments include, but are not limited to; breast vs. bottle, crib vs. co sleeping, car seats, strollers, daycare, working mom, medications, vaccines, circumcision, cloth diapering, cry it out, baby-wearing, child lead weaning, and so much more. No longer do you just have to answer to your crazy family for parenting decisions, but you are now scrutinized by your fellow woman on the internet.
And we, the women, indulge in this. Whether it is our intentions to or not, we take the bait, we fight back and we create the drama. I myself have been a part of this stupidity, and for what? For absolutely nothing. All it creates is an aggravation deep within myself and then I complain to Chase about it and he usually responds with a "humm" or "yeah" (he's so deeply interested haha).
I hate the mommy wars, but I understand them. Every woman wants to defend their position. I totally get it. I breastfed, and I think it's just the greatest thing since sliced bread, I think everyone should do it, and overall I think that most of the people who don't do it, do it out of laziness. But if you make the active decision to formula feed, by all means defend it. I'm sure you have your reasons, and if it works for you, and for
Our son is circumcised. We felt that it was the best decision. Am I a heartless mommy for it? I felt like it at the time, but two years later, I can assure you, my Adam isn't missing that little flap of skin. However, if you made the decision to leave your son intact, then by all means, stick by it, stand up for it.
You know, even here and now, I was getting totally off base. You see, it's hard to not get sucked into these things. It's so hard to not get brought down by them. The mommy wars they aggravate you, and just pull you in from there.
The point my friends is that no matter what your parenting decisions are.. Yes, stand up for them. But don't do it in a way that is demeaning to others. You may state your opinion; example "Co-sleeping worked well for my son and I from day one. I felt much safer knowing that I could listen to him breathing. However I understand that co-sleeping is not for everyone. And it is important for those who do practice co-sleeping to do it in a manner which is safe for the child.". As adults we should be able to share our feelings, share advice and just share what worked for us. Because face it ladies, at this point, what do we have left to talk about other than our kids? But we don't have to indulge in the bashing of others parenting styles.
There is no reason to feel threatened by other's for the decisions we make, because we all make different ones. There is no right or wrong answer to how to raise a child. They don't come with an instruction manual, or a list of do's and don'ts. When you leave that hospital, you're on your own.
Every decision you make, no matter how small has an impact on your child. So join with me and make one that will have a good impact. Choose to not indulge in the Mommy Wars. You prove you stand up for your beliefs by believing in them. There is no need to convert every mommy to the ways of "all natural parenting" (whatever that is)
When it comes to Mommy wars.. Just say no! =)
Have you heard of them? Not too long ago, I had no idea what a Mommy war was. But I now fully understand. If you don't know, I'll explain.
A Mommy War, is the continual arguing, bickering, and fighting that goes on on a regular basis between mommies on all websites and in person. These arguments include, but are not limited to; breast vs. bottle, crib vs. co sleeping, car seats, strollers, daycare, working mom, medications, vaccines, circumcision, cloth diapering, cry it out, baby-wearing, child lead weaning, and so much more. No longer do you just have to answer to your crazy family for parenting decisions, but you are now scrutinized by your fellow woman on the internet.
And we, the women, indulge in this. Whether it is our intentions to or not, we take the bait, we fight back and we create the drama. I myself have been a part of this stupidity, and for what? For absolutely nothing. All it creates is an aggravation deep within myself and then I complain to Chase about it and he usually responds with a "humm" or "yeah" (he's so deeply interested haha).
I hate the mommy wars, but I understand them. Every woman wants to defend their position. I totally get it. I breastfed, and I think it's just the greatest thing since sliced bread, I think everyone should do it, and overall I think that most of the people who don't do it, do it out of laziness. But if you make the active decision to formula feed, by all means defend it. I'm sure you have your reasons, and if it works for you, and for
Our son is circumcised. We felt that it was the best decision. Am I a heartless mommy for it? I felt like it at the time, but two years later, I can assure you, my Adam isn't missing that little flap of skin. However, if you made the decision to leave your son intact, then by all means, stick by it, stand up for it.
You know, even here and now, I was getting totally off base. You see, it's hard to not get sucked into these things. It's so hard to not get brought down by them. The mommy wars they aggravate you, and just pull you in from there.
The point my friends is that no matter what your parenting decisions are.. Yes, stand up for them. But don't do it in a way that is demeaning to others. You may state your opinion; example "Co-sleeping worked well for my son and I from day one. I felt much safer knowing that I could listen to him breathing. However I understand that co-sleeping is not for everyone. And it is important for those who do practice co-sleeping to do it in a manner which is safe for the child.". As adults we should be able to share our feelings, share advice and just share what worked for us. Because face it ladies, at this point, what do we have left to talk about other than our kids? But we don't have to indulge in the bashing of others parenting styles.
There is no reason to feel threatened by other's for the decisions we make, because we all make different ones. There is no right or wrong answer to how to raise a child. They don't come with an instruction manual, or a list of do's and don'ts. When you leave that hospital, you're on your own.
Every decision you make, no matter how small has an impact on your child. So join with me and make one that will have a good impact. Choose to not indulge in the Mommy Wars. You prove you stand up for your beliefs by believing in them. There is no need to convert every mommy to the ways of "all natural parenting" (whatever that is)
When it comes to Mommy wars.. Just say no! =)
Friday, September 28, 2012
Stupid.
Tonight I'm going to talk about being hurtful.
Lord knows I've done my fair share of being hurtful. I've done things that I said I'd never do and said I'd never do again. I've hurt people. Good people. And because of the mistakes I've made, I've turned good people into very bad people.
I guess my biggest mistakes in life were my weaknesses. I have trouble being alone. I haven't been alone since 10th grade, and I don't really guess it's because people just find me that attractive. But more so that I change myself to be whatever suits someone else. Become a thug? No problem. Return more to my roots? I can handle that. Lose weight? I didn't want that food anyways. My problem is that I just cannot be by myself. So what has this made me?
A cheating, lying, heartless, bitch of a whore.
Yep. Thats me. And boy do I live up to it.
I've cheated on Chase twice. The first was a guy who I had absolutely nothing in common with other than the fact that his nice personality reminded me of Chase and I reminded him of his distant girlfriend Kate. Most of the time I just pretended that he was Chase. The second was Chases friend. Who presented himself while Chase was away. I was weak and I didn't want to feel alone anymore.
Years pass from this, 3 to be exact, and we're still fighting about it.
I left. I went to Maryland. I stayed there for almost a year. A YEAR. As you're reading this it might not sound like much but a year. 365 days. 52 weeks. Halloween. Christmas. Easter. A beach trip. First real words. Learning to stand. First steps. And first falls. A year. Thats a long time in my life. And yet day to day, my life goes fast.
I spent that year just as I said; watching Adam grow. Chase spent that year in a totally different manner. He was 21 and he truly lived up to it. A year of partying and passing out. Monday parties, Tuesday parties, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday parties.. Girls and alcohol. And all the while the only thoughts that I think were of me, were the ones he had while totally fucked up, when he would decide to call and ruin my nights. I mean really, I got so many phone calls. I can't tell you how many times I've heard "I hate you, you've lost me forever" and I can't tell you how many nights I've cried myself to sleep.
I cannot tell you how many nights I'd lay in bed and think, "if it weren't for that beautiful little boy of mine, I'd end it all."
It was almost a year, and I decided to come back.
Its been four months exactly since I pulled out of my Dads driveway. And I honestly don't know how much my life has changed. I complain. I clean everyday. I yell at Adam. And I turn my homework in late. I still cry at night sometimes. But today is the first day since I've been here that I've had the want to just quit my life. I think all the time about how much I love Chase. And I think about how much I just want things to be right. But I know deep down that things aren't going to ever change. Things aren't ever going to get better. Because I'm a cheating, lying, heartless, bitch of a whore, and this is the life I chose.
Maybe someone will take it out of my hands. Maybe the decisions that are hard in life will somehow be made for me, and Adam and I will end up better off because of it..
Or maybe this is all just stupid.. Maybe I'm writing this and no one will read it.. Maybe no one really even cares. After all, if someone did, I'd be talking rather than writing this crap, right?
Maybe this is all just stupid.. Maybe I'm just stupid.
Lord knows I've done my fair share of being hurtful. I've done things that I said I'd never do and said I'd never do again. I've hurt people. Good people. And because of the mistakes I've made, I've turned good people into very bad people.
I guess my biggest mistakes in life were my weaknesses. I have trouble being alone. I haven't been alone since 10th grade, and I don't really guess it's because people just find me that attractive. But more so that I change myself to be whatever suits someone else. Become a thug? No problem. Return more to my roots? I can handle that. Lose weight? I didn't want that food anyways. My problem is that I just cannot be by myself. So what has this made me?
A cheating, lying, heartless, bitch of a whore.
Yep. Thats me. And boy do I live up to it.
I've cheated on Chase twice. The first was a guy who I had absolutely nothing in common with other than the fact that his nice personality reminded me of Chase and I reminded him of his distant girlfriend Kate. Most of the time I just pretended that he was Chase. The second was Chases friend. Who presented himself while Chase was away. I was weak and I didn't want to feel alone anymore.
Years pass from this, 3 to be exact, and we're still fighting about it.
I left. I went to Maryland. I stayed there for almost a year. A YEAR. As you're reading this it might not sound like much but a year. 365 days. 52 weeks. Halloween. Christmas. Easter. A beach trip. First real words. Learning to stand. First steps. And first falls. A year. Thats a long time in my life. And yet day to day, my life goes fast.
I spent that year just as I said; watching Adam grow. Chase spent that year in a totally different manner. He was 21 and he truly lived up to it. A year of partying and passing out. Monday parties, Tuesday parties, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday parties.. Girls and alcohol. And all the while the only thoughts that I think were of me, were the ones he had while totally fucked up, when he would decide to call and ruin my nights. I mean really, I got so many phone calls. I can't tell you how many times I've heard "I hate you, you've lost me forever" and I can't tell you how many nights I've cried myself to sleep.
I cannot tell you how many nights I'd lay in bed and think, "if it weren't for that beautiful little boy of mine, I'd end it all."
It was almost a year, and I decided to come back.
Its been four months exactly since I pulled out of my Dads driveway. And I honestly don't know how much my life has changed. I complain. I clean everyday. I yell at Adam. And I turn my homework in late. I still cry at night sometimes. But today is the first day since I've been here that I've had the want to just quit my life. I think all the time about how much I love Chase. And I think about how much I just want things to be right. But I know deep down that things aren't going to ever change. Things aren't ever going to get better. Because I'm a cheating, lying, heartless, bitch of a whore, and this is the life I chose.
Maybe someone will take it out of my hands. Maybe the decisions that are hard in life will somehow be made for me, and Adam and I will end up better off because of it..
Or maybe this is all just stupid.. Maybe I'm writing this and no one will read it.. Maybe no one really even cares. After all, if someone did, I'd be talking rather than writing this crap, right?
Maybe this is all just stupid.. Maybe I'm just stupid.
Friday, July 27, 2012
Losing it.
Today has been bad. Well, not all bad. Chase's Mom came over for a while, and we talked for some time and it was quite nice. But thats about all of the polite, normal adult interaction I've had in over a week.
Adam has been screaming at me for the past hour and a half. Hes yelling, he is hitting, he pulls my hair, he bites, he points his finger and tells me "No." And honestly, I don't know how much more of it I can take.
Don't get me wrong. I love this little guy. But these days I'm loving him a whole lot more at nap time. If I didn't know better I'd think that the book on terrible twos was written specifically about him. Everything I do makes him mad. And I cannot do anything without him being in my butt.
He has this severe separation anxiety thing going on. And its killing me. I literally want to run away at times. And this sounds terrible.
This isn't fun. This isn't enjoyable. I don't spend my days on the couch eating chips and watching stars movies. I spend my days taking care of a vindictive little brat! I spend my days wondering what I can do to make him "normal". I spend time crying because hes so mean, and I spend time hiding under blankets and in the bathroom just so that I can have two minutes alone. And even then I have to listen to him scream at me because he cant find me.
A word to the wise for all the young girls who I hear saying that they want a baby because they want to feel loved. If you want to feel loved, if you want companionship, and loyalty, if you want a best friend, and you want a buddy.... Get a damn dog, because your damn sure not getting it from a child.
Seriously people, I love Adam. But today... I'm absolutely losing it.
Adam has been screaming at me for the past hour and a half. Hes yelling, he is hitting, he pulls my hair, he bites, he points his finger and tells me "No." And honestly, I don't know how much more of it I can take.
Don't get me wrong. I love this little guy. But these days I'm loving him a whole lot more at nap time. If I didn't know better I'd think that the book on terrible twos was written specifically about him. Everything I do makes him mad. And I cannot do anything without him being in my butt.
He has this severe separation anxiety thing going on. And its killing me. I literally want to run away at times. And this sounds terrible.
This isn't fun. This isn't enjoyable. I don't spend my days on the couch eating chips and watching stars movies. I spend my days taking care of a vindictive little brat! I spend my days wondering what I can do to make him "normal". I spend time crying because hes so mean, and I spend time hiding under blankets and in the bathroom just so that I can have two minutes alone. And even then I have to listen to him scream at me because he cant find me.
A word to the wise for all the young girls who I hear saying that they want a baby because they want to feel loved. If you want to feel loved, if you want companionship, and loyalty, if you want a best friend, and you want a buddy.... Get a damn dog, because your damn sure not getting it from a child.
Seriously people, I love Adam. But today... I'm absolutely losing it.
Thursday, July 26, 2012
A little aggravated.
So, I'm a little ticked off today. Well, maybe a little more than a little.
I'm battling with a company which says I owe them money. I do not. I am also dealing with three or four collections people calling me daily to remind me of this money which "I owe". All $148.40. This company, is a billion dollar company, they are also paying a debt collection agency to call me multiple times a day. I am almost positive that the contract they have given these companies on my $148.40 is actually costing them more money than what they would receive from me, that is, if I decide to pay money, which, I don't owe!
So, that was my first issue today. My second issue is one that I have always felt, but only sometimes do I let it get to me, and today is one of those days. I posted on Facebook about my issue with this company. Within 30 minutes three people on my friends list have posted status' about God. How "if he brings you to it, he'll get you through it" or "he wont give you anything you can't handle" or one of my personal favorites "its all in gods plan for you. People are you serious, its in gods plan for me to be hounded by debt collectors day in and day out for a debt I don't owe? What greater good is this creating for me? What purpose in my life, other than stressing me out, is that doing? Do Christians realize how often contradict themselves? Take this story for example;
A woman gets pregnant at 38 after she and her husband have tried and tried for years. After doctors have told her that it is highly unlikely that she would ever conceive. Miracle? No, chance. It was unlikely, but not impossible, try enough and eventually you'll get the outcome your looking for. (Similar to playing the lottery.) Now, this woman goes through her pregnancy alright, except at about 24 weeks, she starts having contractions, she goes to the hospital, her water breaks and there is nothing they can do to stop her labor, the baby is born. (for shits and giggles lets call it a girl) So, baby girl is born at 24 weeks weighing about a pound. Her lungs are underdeveloped, and her other organs aren't fully functional, but this little girl is "fighting" to stay alive. Divine intervention? No, call it a doctor who believes in his medical degree and his 8-10 years of schooling and a great round-the-clock staff to help this little one. Now, the baby lives, but is in the hospital. She has her ups and downs, she has her good days and her bad, but she comes through. Would a Christian say that this is because of the great technology advances we have made? How about that wonderful doctor who's been taking care of the little one? No, its because "God" has a big plan for her. Something big, God is bringing her through this because it is his will. God is guiding the hands of those doctors and nurses and is helping to bring the baby through this terrible time. (ugh, who brought the baby to the terrible time in the first place? Was it not gods will to have her born at 24 weeks? humm) Well the little girl is 8 months old now, and she passes away. Her parents and family, destroyed, but never fear, "She's in a better place" "Shes with God" "God needed another angel" "Shes better off" "She was too good to stay here with us" "God only takes the good ones"
Total bull shit. See not only will it now be because God needed another angel but it will also be the doctors fault. When something good happens, God did it, when something bad, it was a person. When something unexplainable, why is it God, and not logic, not science?
I'll be the first to tell you, that I am absolutely blessed to have a healthy child. But can you tell me, why is it, that any child ever be born unhealthy? What greater purpose does this serve? What is it teaching the two week old who has to have heart surgery? Why should an 8 year old have to go through radiation therapy for childhood cancer? Why does some looney go into a movie theater and unload his gun killing innocent people. Why is it that people are blamed for things they haven't done. Why on earth do these things happen?
Next story;
A man, with a wife and kids works a hard job all his life. He hasnt been to college, and he isn't some computer genus. Hes a carpenter, and hes more than good at it, hes amazing. He lands a position as a project manager of a large company, and he is great at that. Finally, he is making the money he has always dreamed of. Hes able to buy all of the things he has ever wanted for his wife and kids, and he finally feels like he has a little bit of freedom. Then, he gets hurt. A platform with four water tanks, falls on him. Hes alone and has no option but to push them off of himself. In the process he slips disks, breaks bones, and tears muscles. He goes to the hospital, where they dont catch the problem. For five years he is passed from doctor to doctor. Until finally one says, hey, you really do have a problem. The man undergoes an extensive and risky surgery. The procedure goes well, only they tell him, it was worse than he thought. Recovery will take a minimum of four months. Four more months out of work. Only now, there is absolutely no income. The man goes through even more pain while trying to recover. His family watch him hurt, but also watch him improve. He goes to the doctor and they say he will never be able to do his line of work again. So, while bills are piling up, while he is at risk of losing everything, he finds out that he cant work the way he has his entire life. He doesn't know how to do, anything else. Since he was 18, he has never done anything different.
Good sir, could you please tell me, why is it that a man worked, poured sweat and blood into his job all his life, finally moved into a position where he could actually provide for his family the way he always wanted to, and then something like this happens? Could you tell me, what is the purpose? What is the greater good of this? Is it in gods plan, to make a family homeless? To take away everything they have ever worked for? Please tell me the lesson in this, please find me the humor, because for the life of me... I don't see it!
"Its all in gods plan" "God will heal him" "God is watching over him" "God has something better in mind"
Gods watching over him? Where the f*** was god when the damn platform fell on top of him? Where was god when doctors couldn't figure out the problem? And exactly where was god, when he was having to sell everything that he ever worked for just to keep the lights on and food on the table?
Why can the human race not think with logic? Why can people not see, that their idea is flawed. Why is it, if god is so great, would he let something so terrible happen to people who are so good? Why is it that life would be cut off at only 8 months? Why is it, that a child gets cancer? Why is it that people who honestly worked hard for what they have all to often lose it all? Can you tell me? Because it surely isn't because your god was watching over them. It surely wasn't because it was "in the plan", and I'll be damned if I want to hear that the devil did it.
Think with some logic people, think with some reason. Use facts, and no the bible isn't fact. It's a book. Saying that its fact is that same as me saying that the Junie B. Jones series is fact.
So I'm aggravated. I'm mad. I'm tired of being blamed for things that I didn't do. And I am tired of watching people around me get hurt when they don't deserve it.
I'm battling with a company which says I owe them money. I do not. I am also dealing with three or four collections people calling me daily to remind me of this money which "I owe". All $148.40. This company, is a billion dollar company, they are also paying a debt collection agency to call me multiple times a day. I am almost positive that the contract they have given these companies on my $148.40 is actually costing them more money than what they would receive from me, that is, if I decide to pay money, which, I don't owe!
So, that was my first issue today. My second issue is one that I have always felt, but only sometimes do I let it get to me, and today is one of those days. I posted on Facebook about my issue with this company. Within 30 minutes three people on my friends list have posted status' about God. How "if he brings you to it, he'll get you through it" or "he wont give you anything you can't handle" or one of my personal favorites "its all in gods plan for you. People are you serious, its in gods plan for me to be hounded by debt collectors day in and day out for a debt I don't owe? What greater good is this creating for me? What purpose in my life, other than stressing me out, is that doing? Do Christians realize how often contradict themselves? Take this story for example;
A woman gets pregnant at 38 after she and her husband have tried and tried for years. After doctors have told her that it is highly unlikely that she would ever conceive. Miracle? No, chance. It was unlikely, but not impossible, try enough and eventually you'll get the outcome your looking for. (Similar to playing the lottery.) Now, this woman goes through her pregnancy alright, except at about 24 weeks, she starts having contractions, she goes to the hospital, her water breaks and there is nothing they can do to stop her labor, the baby is born. (for shits and giggles lets call it a girl) So, baby girl is born at 24 weeks weighing about a pound. Her lungs are underdeveloped, and her other organs aren't fully functional, but this little girl is "fighting" to stay alive. Divine intervention? No, call it a doctor who believes in his medical degree and his 8-10 years of schooling and a great round-the-clock staff to help this little one. Now, the baby lives, but is in the hospital. She has her ups and downs, she has her good days and her bad, but she comes through. Would a Christian say that this is because of the great technology advances we have made? How about that wonderful doctor who's been taking care of the little one? No, its because "God" has a big plan for her. Something big, God is bringing her through this because it is his will. God is guiding the hands of those doctors and nurses and is helping to bring the baby through this terrible time. (ugh, who brought the baby to the terrible time in the first place? Was it not gods will to have her born at 24 weeks? humm) Well the little girl is 8 months old now, and she passes away. Her parents and family, destroyed, but never fear, "She's in a better place" "Shes with God" "God needed another angel" "Shes better off" "She was too good to stay here with us" "God only takes the good ones"
Total bull shit. See not only will it now be because God needed another angel but it will also be the doctors fault. When something good happens, God did it, when something bad, it was a person. When something unexplainable, why is it God, and not logic, not science?
I'll be the first to tell you, that I am absolutely blessed to have a healthy child. But can you tell me, why is it, that any child ever be born unhealthy? What greater purpose does this serve? What is it teaching the two week old who has to have heart surgery? Why should an 8 year old have to go through radiation therapy for childhood cancer? Why does some looney go into a movie theater and unload his gun killing innocent people. Why is it that people are blamed for things they haven't done. Why on earth do these things happen?
Next story;
A man, with a wife and kids works a hard job all his life. He hasnt been to college, and he isn't some computer genus. Hes a carpenter, and hes more than good at it, hes amazing. He lands a position as a project manager of a large company, and he is great at that. Finally, he is making the money he has always dreamed of. Hes able to buy all of the things he has ever wanted for his wife and kids, and he finally feels like he has a little bit of freedom. Then, he gets hurt. A platform with four water tanks, falls on him. Hes alone and has no option but to push them off of himself. In the process he slips disks, breaks bones, and tears muscles. He goes to the hospital, where they dont catch the problem. For five years he is passed from doctor to doctor. Until finally one says, hey, you really do have a problem. The man undergoes an extensive and risky surgery. The procedure goes well, only they tell him, it was worse than he thought. Recovery will take a minimum of four months. Four more months out of work. Only now, there is absolutely no income. The man goes through even more pain while trying to recover. His family watch him hurt, but also watch him improve. He goes to the doctor and they say he will never be able to do his line of work again. So, while bills are piling up, while he is at risk of losing everything, he finds out that he cant work the way he has his entire life. He doesn't know how to do, anything else. Since he was 18, he has never done anything different.
Good sir, could you please tell me, why is it that a man worked, poured sweat and blood into his job all his life, finally moved into a position where he could actually provide for his family the way he always wanted to, and then something like this happens? Could you tell me, what is the purpose? What is the greater good of this? Is it in gods plan, to make a family homeless? To take away everything they have ever worked for? Please tell me the lesson in this, please find me the humor, because for the life of me... I don't see it!
"Its all in gods plan" "God will heal him" "God is watching over him" "God has something better in mind"
Gods watching over him? Where the f*** was god when the damn platform fell on top of him? Where was god when doctors couldn't figure out the problem? And exactly where was god, when he was having to sell everything that he ever worked for just to keep the lights on and food on the table?
Why can the human race not think with logic? Why can people not see, that their idea is flawed. Why is it, if god is so great, would he let something so terrible happen to people who are so good? Why is it that life would be cut off at only 8 months? Why is it, that a child gets cancer? Why is it that people who honestly worked hard for what they have all to often lose it all? Can you tell me? Because it surely isn't because your god was watching over them. It surely wasn't because it was "in the plan", and I'll be damned if I want to hear that the devil did it.
Think with some logic people, think with some reason. Use facts, and no the bible isn't fact. It's a book. Saying that its fact is that same as me saying that the Junie B. Jones series is fact.
So I'm aggravated. I'm mad. I'm tired of being blamed for things that I didn't do. And I am tired of watching people around me get hurt when they don't deserve it.
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Lots to tell..
So, Adam and I came back to Shreveport on June 1st. And since then things have been going... yeah.. there going.
We live in Chases house. With he and all of his friends. And my dogs, Seiko and Squirt. Are staying at his moms house. We've looked at several rentals, but none are good enough. Or within our price range. Which sucks.
Im still doing my schooling, but its not going so good. Im not able to concentrate on my work because Im dealing with taking care of Adam on my own, and dealing with trying to meet Chase's needs too. So needless to say, my grades are showing this.
Chase is at AT right now. It lasts two weeks. Which sucks, because right now Im car-less. He has the jeep everyday, and we never know what time he will be off. The Army is full of wonderfulness. ugh.
Today I feel like crap. Yesterday, I got into a fight with my friend. Which was the first time we've ever fought. I don't think we are the same people we were when we became friends. And I think that is leading to this. The same can be said for Chase and I. He often talks about my parenting. And it makes me feel very down. I have a hard time listening to someone tell me that I am not good at being a mother. I try very hard.
Some of the issues that he talks about he doesn't give me a chance to fix or to even tell him how I feel. Breastfeeding is one of them. Adam is 18 months old. And he still nurses at night. This means that I don't want Adam to stay the night anywhere yet. And though part of it is the fact that he nurses but part of it is that I am afraid. Chase says that Adam and I are too close. Which is probably true. Adam relies on me a lot. Maybe more than most children do. But Chase doesn't realize that it has just been Adam and I. And he really is still a baby. I wish that he could understand. He talks about how we dont go out because I wont let Adam go anywhere. And its true that when Adam was little I did not like going anywhere. But I really am ready to go out now. But Chase has not asked me to. I'd love to go on a "date". But he hasnt asked. I feel like I havent been given the chance to make him happy with me. I feel short changed. I feel like it is hopeless.
We live in Chases house. With he and all of his friends. And my dogs, Seiko and Squirt. Are staying at his moms house. We've looked at several rentals, but none are good enough. Or within our price range. Which sucks.
Im still doing my schooling, but its not going so good. Im not able to concentrate on my work because Im dealing with taking care of Adam on my own, and dealing with trying to meet Chase's needs too. So needless to say, my grades are showing this.
Chase is at AT right now. It lasts two weeks. Which sucks, because right now Im car-less. He has the jeep everyday, and we never know what time he will be off. The Army is full of wonderfulness. ugh.
Today I feel like crap. Yesterday, I got into a fight with my friend. Which was the first time we've ever fought. I don't think we are the same people we were when we became friends. And I think that is leading to this. The same can be said for Chase and I. He often talks about my parenting. And it makes me feel very down. I have a hard time listening to someone tell me that I am not good at being a mother. I try very hard.
Some of the issues that he talks about he doesn't give me a chance to fix or to even tell him how I feel. Breastfeeding is one of them. Adam is 18 months old. And he still nurses at night. This means that I don't want Adam to stay the night anywhere yet. And though part of it is the fact that he nurses but part of it is that I am afraid. Chase says that Adam and I are too close. Which is probably true. Adam relies on me a lot. Maybe more than most children do. But Chase doesn't realize that it has just been Adam and I. And he really is still a baby. I wish that he could understand. He talks about how we dont go out because I wont let Adam go anywhere. And its true that when Adam was little I did not like going anywhere. But I really am ready to go out now. But Chase has not asked me to. I'd love to go on a "date". But he hasnt asked. I feel like I havent been given the chance to make him happy with me. I feel short changed. I feel like it is hopeless.
Friday, May 11, 2012
Update.
Well, I figured that its been about a month since my last post so its time to update on everything, So here goes.
Chase and I are together, and it makes me super happy. I love him very much. I know we have a lot of work to do on us, but I know that its all gonna be worth it.
Adam is growing like a weed, seriously, this kid is huge, haha. He's doing all sorts of things now too. He will be 17 Months old, on Sunday, which is Mothers Day! I gave a list of the things that he does last month, but I feel like giving an updated list this month, so here it goes.
Of course the normal, rolling over, sitting up, crawling and walking. But now sprinting! Like all the time he is running.
He talks so much. I know I wont remember it all but heres what I can remember; Mom, Dad, Pap, Nana, Aunt Ba, Dog, Kitty, That, Whats that?, Ouch!, Hot!, Up, Tuck(Tucker), Memm(Memphis), Hi, Bye-Bye, Night-Night, fish. (More I am sure)
He signs too! Mommy, Milk, More, Drink, Up, All gone, Fish(as in goldfish crackers)
He also makes car noises now and every time we pass a motorcycle he makes it! =D
Adam is growing up fast. I love my little guy so much!
Chase and I are together, and it makes me super happy. I love him very much. I know we have a lot of work to do on us, but I know that its all gonna be worth it.
Adam is growing like a weed, seriously, this kid is huge, haha. He's doing all sorts of things now too. He will be 17 Months old, on Sunday, which is Mothers Day! I gave a list of the things that he does last month, but I feel like giving an updated list this month, so here it goes.
Of course the normal, rolling over, sitting up, crawling and walking. But now sprinting! Like all the time he is running.
He talks so much. I know I wont remember it all but heres what I can remember; Mom, Dad, Pap, Nana, Aunt Ba, Dog, Kitty, That, Whats that?, Ouch!, Hot!, Up, Tuck(Tucker), Memm(Memphis), Hi, Bye-Bye, Night-Night, fish. (More I am sure)
He signs too! Mommy, Milk, More, Drink, Up, All gone, Fish(as in goldfish crackers)
He also makes car noises now and every time we pass a motorcycle he makes it! =D
Adam is growing up fast. I love my little guy so much!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)