My head is swimming, and my heart just plain out hurts. A lot has been going on lately. So, I told my family that i wanted to go back to Shreveport, and of course, it destroyed them. They all think it would be a mistake. And that got me thinking. I keep questioning if its what I want, and what I need for me and Adam. And the more I question myself, the more I keep questioning myself. I keep asking if what I want and what I need are two different things? And I really cant take asking myself so much anymore. I know what I want.. And what I want is my family. What I want is my life back. I want a house, and a yard, I want Adam and the dogs to go out and play.. I want Chase to go to work, and me to take care of Adam and the house. I want to finish my schooling, and then when Adam goes to Elementary school, I want to work at the school he attends. I want to be happy. I want to stop questioning myself, I want to stop thinking that what I want is wrong.. I want what I want.. and thats just it..
So, the matter of hurting everyone.. That doesnt come easy to me.. I hate disappointing people.. Especially my family. But in order to have MY family.. I have to do this. Because what I worked for, for so long is MY family.. And I am glad that I could come home for a while, and get things straight.. But when it comes to it.. What I really want, what I really NEED, is to go back there, what I really have to do, is go back and show
It will make me happy.. Because it really is exactly what I want..
I am going crazy because I know what I want.. And I hate that I have to hurt people to get it..