Today has been bad. Well, not all bad. Chase's Mom came over for a while, and we talked for some time and it was quite nice. But thats about all of the polite, normal adult interaction I've had in over a week.
Adam has been screaming at me for the past hour and a half. Hes yelling, he is hitting, he pulls my hair, he bites, he points his finger and tells me "No." And honestly, I don't know how much more of it I can take.
Don't get me wrong. I love this little guy. But these days I'm loving him a whole lot more at nap time. If I didn't know better I'd think that the book on terrible twos was written specifically about him. Everything I do makes him mad. And I cannot do anything without him being in my butt.
He has this severe separation anxiety thing going on. And its killing me. I literally want to run away at times. And this sounds terrible.
This isn't fun. This isn't enjoyable. I don't spend my days on the couch eating chips and watching stars movies. I spend my days taking care of a vindictive little brat! I spend my days wondering what I can do to make him "normal". I spend time crying because hes so mean, and I spend time hiding under blankets and in the bathroom just so that I can have two minutes alone. And even then I have to listen to him scream at me because he cant find me.
A word to the wise for all the young girls who I hear saying that they want a baby because they want to feel loved. If you want to feel loved, if you want companionship, and loyalty, if you want a best friend, and you want a buddy.... Get a damn dog, because your damn sure not getting it from a child.
Seriously people, I love Adam. But today... I'm absolutely losing it.
Friday, July 27, 2012
Thursday, July 26, 2012
A little aggravated.
So, I'm a little ticked off today. Well, maybe a little more than a little.
I'm battling with a company which says I owe them money. I do not. I am also dealing with three or four collections people calling me daily to remind me of this money which "I owe". All $148.40. This company, is a billion dollar company, they are also paying a debt collection agency to call me multiple times a day. I am almost positive that the contract they have given these companies on my $148.40 is actually costing them more money than what they would receive from me, that is, if I decide to pay money, which, I don't owe!
So, that was my first issue today. My second issue is one that I have always felt, but only sometimes do I let it get to me, and today is one of those days. I posted on Facebook about my issue with this company. Within 30 minutes three people on my friends list have posted status' about God. How "if he brings you to it, he'll get you through it" or "he wont give you anything you can't handle" or one of my personal favorites "its all in gods plan for you. People are you serious, its in gods plan for me to be hounded by debt collectors day in and day out for a debt I don't owe? What greater good is this creating for me? What purpose in my life, other than stressing me out, is that doing? Do Christians realize how often contradict themselves? Take this story for example;
A woman gets pregnant at 38 after she and her husband have tried and tried for years. After doctors have told her that it is highly unlikely that she would ever conceive. Miracle? No, chance. It was unlikely, but not impossible, try enough and eventually you'll get the outcome your looking for. (Similar to playing the lottery.) Now, this woman goes through her pregnancy alright, except at about 24 weeks, she starts having contractions, she goes to the hospital, her water breaks and there is nothing they can do to stop her labor, the baby is born. (for shits and giggles lets call it a girl) So, baby girl is born at 24 weeks weighing about a pound. Her lungs are underdeveloped, and her other organs aren't fully functional, but this little girl is "fighting" to stay alive. Divine intervention? No, call it a doctor who believes in his medical degree and his 8-10 years of schooling and a great round-the-clock staff to help this little one. Now, the baby lives, but is in the hospital. She has her ups and downs, she has her good days and her bad, but she comes through. Would a Christian say that this is because of the great technology advances we have made? How about that wonderful doctor who's been taking care of the little one? No, its because "God" has a big plan for her. Something big, God is bringing her through this because it is his will. God is guiding the hands of those doctors and nurses and is helping to bring the baby through this terrible time. (ugh, who brought the baby to the terrible time in the first place? Was it not gods will to have her born at 24 weeks? humm) Well the little girl is 8 months old now, and she passes away. Her parents and family, destroyed, but never fear, "She's in a better place" "Shes with God" "God needed another angel" "Shes better off" "She was too good to stay here with us" "God only takes the good ones"
Total bull shit. See not only will it now be because God needed another angel but it will also be the doctors fault. When something good happens, God did it, when something bad, it was a person. When something unexplainable, why is it God, and not logic, not science?
I'll be the first to tell you, that I am absolutely blessed to have a healthy child. But can you tell me, why is it, that any child ever be born unhealthy? What greater purpose does this serve? What is it teaching the two week old who has to have heart surgery? Why should an 8 year old have to go through radiation therapy for childhood cancer? Why does some looney go into a movie theater and unload his gun killing innocent people. Why is it that people are blamed for things they haven't done. Why on earth do these things happen?
Next story;
A man, with a wife and kids works a hard job all his life. He hasnt been to college, and he isn't some computer genus. Hes a carpenter, and hes more than good at it, hes amazing. He lands a position as a project manager of a large company, and he is great at that. Finally, he is making the money he has always dreamed of. Hes able to buy all of the things he has ever wanted for his wife and kids, and he finally feels like he has a little bit of freedom. Then, he gets hurt. A platform with four water tanks, falls on him. Hes alone and has no option but to push them off of himself. In the process he slips disks, breaks bones, and tears muscles. He goes to the hospital, where they dont catch the problem. For five years he is passed from doctor to doctor. Until finally one says, hey, you really do have a problem. The man undergoes an extensive and risky surgery. The procedure goes well, only they tell him, it was worse than he thought. Recovery will take a minimum of four months. Four more months out of work. Only now, there is absolutely no income. The man goes through even more pain while trying to recover. His family watch him hurt, but also watch him improve. He goes to the doctor and they say he will never be able to do his line of work again. So, while bills are piling up, while he is at risk of losing everything, he finds out that he cant work the way he has his entire life. He doesn't know how to do, anything else. Since he was 18, he has never done anything different.
Good sir, could you please tell me, why is it that a man worked, poured sweat and blood into his job all his life, finally moved into a position where he could actually provide for his family the way he always wanted to, and then something like this happens? Could you tell me, what is the purpose? What is the greater good of this? Is it in gods plan, to make a family homeless? To take away everything they have ever worked for? Please tell me the lesson in this, please find me the humor, because for the life of me... I don't see it!
"Its all in gods plan" "God will heal him" "God is watching over him" "God has something better in mind"
Gods watching over him? Where the f*** was god when the damn platform fell on top of him? Where was god when doctors couldn't figure out the problem? And exactly where was god, when he was having to sell everything that he ever worked for just to keep the lights on and food on the table?
Why can the human race not think with logic? Why can people not see, that their idea is flawed. Why is it, if god is so great, would he let something so terrible happen to people who are so good? Why is it that life would be cut off at only 8 months? Why is it, that a child gets cancer? Why is it that people who honestly worked hard for what they have all to often lose it all? Can you tell me? Because it surely isn't because your god was watching over them. It surely wasn't because it was "in the plan", and I'll be damned if I want to hear that the devil did it.
Think with some logic people, think with some reason. Use facts, and no the bible isn't fact. It's a book. Saying that its fact is that same as me saying that the Junie B. Jones series is fact.
So I'm aggravated. I'm mad. I'm tired of being blamed for things that I didn't do. And I am tired of watching people around me get hurt when they don't deserve it.
I'm battling with a company which says I owe them money. I do not. I am also dealing with three or four collections people calling me daily to remind me of this money which "I owe". All $148.40. This company, is a billion dollar company, they are also paying a debt collection agency to call me multiple times a day. I am almost positive that the contract they have given these companies on my $148.40 is actually costing them more money than what they would receive from me, that is, if I decide to pay money, which, I don't owe!
So, that was my first issue today. My second issue is one that I have always felt, but only sometimes do I let it get to me, and today is one of those days. I posted on Facebook about my issue with this company. Within 30 minutes three people on my friends list have posted status' about God. How "if he brings you to it, he'll get you through it" or "he wont give you anything you can't handle" or one of my personal favorites "its all in gods plan for you. People are you serious, its in gods plan for me to be hounded by debt collectors day in and day out for a debt I don't owe? What greater good is this creating for me? What purpose in my life, other than stressing me out, is that doing? Do Christians realize how often contradict themselves? Take this story for example;
A woman gets pregnant at 38 after she and her husband have tried and tried for years. After doctors have told her that it is highly unlikely that she would ever conceive. Miracle? No, chance. It was unlikely, but not impossible, try enough and eventually you'll get the outcome your looking for. (Similar to playing the lottery.) Now, this woman goes through her pregnancy alright, except at about 24 weeks, she starts having contractions, she goes to the hospital, her water breaks and there is nothing they can do to stop her labor, the baby is born. (for shits and giggles lets call it a girl) So, baby girl is born at 24 weeks weighing about a pound. Her lungs are underdeveloped, and her other organs aren't fully functional, but this little girl is "fighting" to stay alive. Divine intervention? No, call it a doctor who believes in his medical degree and his 8-10 years of schooling and a great round-the-clock staff to help this little one. Now, the baby lives, but is in the hospital. She has her ups and downs, she has her good days and her bad, but she comes through. Would a Christian say that this is because of the great technology advances we have made? How about that wonderful doctor who's been taking care of the little one? No, its because "God" has a big plan for her. Something big, God is bringing her through this because it is his will. God is guiding the hands of those doctors and nurses and is helping to bring the baby through this terrible time. (ugh, who brought the baby to the terrible time in the first place? Was it not gods will to have her born at 24 weeks? humm) Well the little girl is 8 months old now, and she passes away. Her parents and family, destroyed, but never fear, "She's in a better place" "Shes with God" "God needed another angel" "Shes better off" "She was too good to stay here with us" "God only takes the good ones"
Total bull shit. See not only will it now be because God needed another angel but it will also be the doctors fault. When something good happens, God did it, when something bad, it was a person. When something unexplainable, why is it God, and not logic, not science?
I'll be the first to tell you, that I am absolutely blessed to have a healthy child. But can you tell me, why is it, that any child ever be born unhealthy? What greater purpose does this serve? What is it teaching the two week old who has to have heart surgery? Why should an 8 year old have to go through radiation therapy for childhood cancer? Why does some looney go into a movie theater and unload his gun killing innocent people. Why is it that people are blamed for things they haven't done. Why on earth do these things happen?
Next story;
A man, with a wife and kids works a hard job all his life. He hasnt been to college, and he isn't some computer genus. Hes a carpenter, and hes more than good at it, hes amazing. He lands a position as a project manager of a large company, and he is great at that. Finally, he is making the money he has always dreamed of. Hes able to buy all of the things he has ever wanted for his wife and kids, and he finally feels like he has a little bit of freedom. Then, he gets hurt. A platform with four water tanks, falls on him. Hes alone and has no option but to push them off of himself. In the process he slips disks, breaks bones, and tears muscles. He goes to the hospital, where they dont catch the problem. For five years he is passed from doctor to doctor. Until finally one says, hey, you really do have a problem. The man undergoes an extensive and risky surgery. The procedure goes well, only they tell him, it was worse than he thought. Recovery will take a minimum of four months. Four more months out of work. Only now, there is absolutely no income. The man goes through even more pain while trying to recover. His family watch him hurt, but also watch him improve. He goes to the doctor and they say he will never be able to do his line of work again. So, while bills are piling up, while he is at risk of losing everything, he finds out that he cant work the way he has his entire life. He doesn't know how to do, anything else. Since he was 18, he has never done anything different.
Good sir, could you please tell me, why is it that a man worked, poured sweat and blood into his job all his life, finally moved into a position where he could actually provide for his family the way he always wanted to, and then something like this happens? Could you tell me, what is the purpose? What is the greater good of this? Is it in gods plan, to make a family homeless? To take away everything they have ever worked for? Please tell me the lesson in this, please find me the humor, because for the life of me... I don't see it!
"Its all in gods plan" "God will heal him" "God is watching over him" "God has something better in mind"
Gods watching over him? Where the f*** was god when the damn platform fell on top of him? Where was god when doctors couldn't figure out the problem? And exactly where was god, when he was having to sell everything that he ever worked for just to keep the lights on and food on the table?
Why can the human race not think with logic? Why can people not see, that their idea is flawed. Why is it, if god is so great, would he let something so terrible happen to people who are so good? Why is it that life would be cut off at only 8 months? Why is it, that a child gets cancer? Why is it that people who honestly worked hard for what they have all to often lose it all? Can you tell me? Because it surely isn't because your god was watching over them. It surely wasn't because it was "in the plan", and I'll be damned if I want to hear that the devil did it.
Think with some logic people, think with some reason. Use facts, and no the bible isn't fact. It's a book. Saying that its fact is that same as me saying that the Junie B. Jones series is fact.
So I'm aggravated. I'm mad. I'm tired of being blamed for things that I didn't do. And I am tired of watching people around me get hurt when they don't deserve it.
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