So, Adam and I came back to Shreveport on June 1st. And since then things have been going... yeah.. there going.
We live in Chases house. With he and all of his friends. And my dogs, Seiko and Squirt. Are staying at his moms house. We've looked at several rentals, but none are good enough. Or within our price range. Which sucks.
Im still doing my schooling, but its not going so good. Im not able to concentrate on my work because Im dealing with taking care of Adam on my own, and dealing with trying to meet Chase's needs too. So needless to say, my grades are showing this.
Chase is at AT right now. It lasts two weeks. Which sucks, because right now Im car-less. He has the jeep everyday, and we never know what time he will be off. The Army is full of wonderfulness. ugh.
Today I feel like crap. Yesterday, I got into a fight with my friend. Which was the first time we've ever fought. I don't think we are the same people we were when we became friends. And I think that is leading to this. The same can be said for Chase and I. He often talks about my parenting. And it makes me feel very down. I have a hard time listening to someone tell me that I am not good at being a mother. I try very hard.
Some of the issues that he talks about he doesn't give me a chance to fix or to even tell him how I feel. Breastfeeding is one of them. Adam is 18 months old. And he still nurses at night. This means that I don't want Adam to stay the night anywhere yet. And though part of it is the fact that he nurses but part of it is that I am afraid. Chase says that Adam and I are too close. Which is probably true. Adam relies on me a lot. Maybe more than most children do. But Chase doesn't realize that it has just been Adam and I. And he really is still a baby. I wish that he could understand. He talks about how we dont go out because I wont let Adam go anywhere. And its true that when Adam was little I did not like going anywhere. But I really am ready to go out now. But Chase has not asked me to. I'd love to go on a "date". But he hasnt asked. I feel like I havent been given the chance to make him happy with me. I feel short changed. I feel like it is hopeless.
